Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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