I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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