She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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