I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
