Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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