I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
