So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
