On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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