You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
