It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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