It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
