What did we do last night that was yellow?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize