PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
