After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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