Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
