I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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