I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
