walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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