Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
