So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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