Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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