you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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