I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ugly people sure do ruin things
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
