Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep