if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
even my farts smell like vagina
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I love you. Go after that dick