glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"