Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???