What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.