You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
