This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
