I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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