I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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