You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
