I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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