I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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