ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
