Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
