I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
