So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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