Porn is love you can see.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
