My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
