How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize