who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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