either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
