I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize