we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
