How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
