I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
