can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there was a trapeze. enough said
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
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whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday