Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.