The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?