Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement