so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
