so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
