I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
