Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
