Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
