Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
