he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
