My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
