Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
