My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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