dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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