I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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