I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
