I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
