I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
