It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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