I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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