Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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