I'm jealous of your bromance
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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