I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
