apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
