Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
