This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
