I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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