You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
