After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
