I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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