she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
