a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
